Momma’s baby boy

Momma and Freddie, 12 days old

Momma and Freddie, 12 days old

These past two weeks have been the most enriching, exhausting, emotional, and quite frankly mind blowing of my entire life. It really is two whole weeks since I caught my baby boy in the birthing pool, and the world greeted my Freddie. There is no blog long enough to capture all the moments; except to say that life has changed irrevocably for the better with my little Fredders. He changes every day, and sometimes in the quiet darkness of night feeds, I wonder how I ever produced someone so perfect. I also wonder if I’ll ever sleep for more than 2hours in a row ever again …

I think when you’re pregnant with your first baby, you struggle to see beyond the birth. As your belly grows and the kicks get stronger, you realise the blossoming baby has to emerge from one’s vagina. I hadn’t given much consideration to the practicalities of day to day life with a newborn [after all, death by childbirth was always a possibility!]. I adore it. Yes, I’m tired, and there are times when I’d love a cup of tea or some lunch; but there is nothing more fulfilling than nurturing the little one who grew in your womb.

There was such a lot to do when pregnant; move house, overhaul my house-share/student/Bridget Jones lifestyle … whilst working and becoming enormous. I’m glad I didn’t read too much … glad I wasn’t aware that I would be gushing breastmilk everywhere at regular intervals …. I’m also glad that I didn’t know the overwhelming LOVE I would feel for this little boy, because it is such a wonderful surprise to feel this way. I feel a huge surge of protection towards him; this feeling that if anyone ever hurts him, ever upsets him, I’ll want to kill them [harsh, perhaps]

I’m loving breastfeeding, despite the leakages. It’s the most natural thing a mother can do for their baby, and I wouldn’t swap it for the world. Freddie has a sucking action similar to a Dyson, and after weighing 7Ib 9oz at birth, and losing a few ounces in the first days …. he now weighs 8Ib 8oz, so he’s obviously guzzling the boob-juice. That would explain my hourly feeds last night! Actually, talking of milk, whilst I craved milk and steak when pregnant, I now can’t face the thought of either!!! BUT, thanks to breastfeeding, I’m now back in pre-preggers jeans!

I wouldn’t have chosen to be a single mother; but the love I have for Fredders exceeds anything I previously imagined. I keep using the word love – but there is no other word. I’m sitting here in my lounge, Freddie asleep in his moses basket. This morning we went to a baby group, and then the midwife came to discharge us … and then I put him in his sling for the first time and went for a walk around the park. My cousin and I walked around the park so many times when I was in early labour … it was quite nostalgic doing the same walk with my baby. Indeed, the same walk where I fell on my backside in the ice at 39 weeks preggers. They say sleep when the baby sleeps, but I wanted to blog … and as I remind myself during night feeds; I will never get these precious moments again. There will be time for sleep later … and here I sit, in a room filled with baby cards and gifts …. Freddie and I both feel loved, and my little boy will never doubt his Momma’s love for him …

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