Happy Pregnancy Anniversary to my Uterus

My boy 27.06.15

My boy 27.06.15

It is 8pm on a sunny Saturday. I’ve been up since 4.54am when a wide eyed smiley baby sqwaked in my ear and poked me in the eye. I’m now propped up in bed [finally, my bed, my bed!] beside a sleeping Fred, looking forward to joining him once I’ve fulfilled my blogging duties. I wanted to blog today because I realised it is exactly one year since I found out I was pregnant … a whole year since I spent a day sat at my desk with a strange metallic taste in my mouth, a strange desire to drive to the Co-op after work for a pregnancy test because a banana tasted funny at lunchtime, and upon googling – discovered the word pregnancy featured heavily. The story goes that when I got back to my house share [it was a hot day too] we had someone coming to view a room. I raced upstairs, peed on the pregnancy test, which turned positive immediately – and within minutes there was our potential roomie knocking on the door. Awkward. Needless to say he didn’t take the room. I think I took about 6 pregnancy tests over the coming days …. all confirming that there was a teeny Freddie-seed in my tummy. Despite accusations to the contrary, this was a huge shock … but from the very first glance at the “pregnant” symbol on the test, I knew that I wanted this baby more than anything – that somehow, I would make it work.

There has been a lot of “growing up” in the past year. At the grand age of 32, it really was time to settle down. I’d lived a fairly hedonistic lifestyle, and from the moment I held that positive pregnancy test in my hands I knew things had to change. I never imagined being a single mum; but I stand by the fact that it’s better to be on your own than in a wrong relationship with the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. I do miss being in a relationship – I think I will always feel a bit guilty that Freddie doesn’t have a mummy and daddy living together – but he is unconditionally loved and always will be. I’ve learnt a huge amount in the 12 months between last year and this … I’ve grown stronger; I think this is the key quality a single mum needs; the ability to get on with it without the emotional support of a partner; without someone who is unconditionally there for you; someone who has your back. I am much more resilient now than I was, and besides – I have become tiger mother – fiercely protective of her little boy …

I’m sitting here looking down at my sleeping bundle; his little hands clasped together – so pure, so innocent. It’s incredible to think that I didn’t know him this time last year, when now I can’t imagine life without him. Never has the miracle of life been so apparent. And neither has the beauty of sleep. I have moved Fred’s cot into my room, but he’s still in bed with me – these are precious months which will soon pass into years … and I intend to savour every moment with my growing, happy baby boy. He is undoubtedly my greatest achievement in life, and I never imagined just how much I would love him. My little boy.

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