20.07, sitting in bed with a cup of [decaf] tea, freshly showered, smelling nice [for a change], feeling quietly pleased with myself that the flat is all clean and homely [I even gave the windows a once over with some windolene!] AND there’s a sleeping Fredders beside me, also freshly bathed, full to the brim with milk. When I last blogged it had been a LONG sleepless week, and I’m pleased to report [whilst clinging onto the wooden bedside cabinet so not to jinx myself!] that sleep has improved. One glorious night my boobs were only required twice! Sleep is such a wonderful thing!
Freddie is 21 weeks old today; twenty one weeks. It will sound cliched, but I never thought I could love as much as I love this roundy doll [he is such a roundy doll!]. Even when I’m exhausted and in “Mombie” mode, there is so much to savour, to treasure; and so much to look forward to. I still sit here looking at him sleeping, amazed that he’s really mine, that I created and cooked such a cheeky chubby cherub, not to mention pushing him from the ladygarden.
We’ve had a jolly week, beginning with a rainy Sunday at a Heavy Horse Show, where Freddie met some piggies for the first time. We’ve been to a Beach Party at a local children’s centre where Freddie used a crayon for the first time [needless to say his creation is blue tacked to the kitchen door!]… and yesterday we went to baby yoga, today Moo Music. It’s none stop in the life of a baby!
When I last wrote, I bemoaned that it’s bloody hard work being a single mummy … and yes, it can be. BUT the flip side is evenings like these, when I sit here quietly proud of myself that Freddie is a happy baby with a happy life … that this time last year I hadn’t even viewed this flat, and now it is very much home. For fear of blowing one’s own trumpet [tut tut, we’re British you know!] – I’ve created this myself … and it is a satisfying feeling. I’ve never been so tired, but I wouldn’t swap any of it. I remember an old University lecturer telling us that we ought to be able to cope alone, always … and I think it is a very good skill. I am a tougher person since having Freddie, because I have to be, and because when he was born, so was my inner Tiger Mother! There are times when I would love someone to walk in through the door at 6pm and cook me dinner or entertain Fredders whilst I indulged in a long shower … or bring me a cup of tea at silly o clock … but no one has perfect … we all just have our fleeting moments of perfect.
All I want, from now and forever, is to be a good Mummy to my boy; for Freddie to always know that his happiness is the most important thing … at the moment his chuckles and smiles tell me that I’m on the right track … I just wish time could go a little slower …