Because I’m a Mummy …

My darling little boy cut his first tooth today [hooray! It was a tough week for the little chap], and it’s a top one, closely followed by the other top one judging by his gums. Freddie won’t need to sing “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth“, not this year, anyway. I was expecting bottom gnashers first. Now I just need to pray that my nipples don’t suffer as a result!

This is a rare moment for me, I have approximately 40minutes to blog uninterrupted. Freddie is spending a couple of hours with his Daddy and his family this afternoon; so in the past hour I’ve made our supper [sweet potato, carrot, pepper, broccoli and normal potato mash with cheese], an apple and plum puree for Fredders’ pudding; had a shower [without my usual panic that I can hear my boy crying!] and even put some moisturiser on – quel indulgence! Washing machine swirling around, and now it’s time for some lemon & mango squash and a Blog. It’s very strange, Freddie not being here. I always knew, embarking on a pregnancy as a single mother – that I wanted Fred to know his Dad and form a relationship with him … but I still worry about him when he’s not here. I always say to his Dad as he walks down the landing “look after him” – and I’ll probably still be saying that when he’s 14! Luckily Fred is proving to be a cheeky confident smiley boy, and I’m sure I have no reason to worry. I’ll try and enjoy this silent “me time” and treasure that cuddle when he arrives home.

Now, I think I’ll search for summer holidays next year …. Fredders and I fancy a bit of Cypriot sun!

… it really does seem strange without my baby ….


Just another cliche

Momma's big boy

Momma’s big boy

Whenever I sit to Blog, I am overwhelmed by how fast the time is going. Cliched, perhaps, but this year has been the most incredible, and fastest – yet. This Blog is now over a year old, and yet it seems ten minutes ago since I was sitting in my houseshare, nursing a small Freddie bump; wondering how things would work out [note to younger self; things worked out just better than fine]. Timehop frequently reminds me of that growing bump this time last year. And now .. well, look! So grown up that he can sit in his own seat in the supermarket trolley! Proud Momma moment! There is a certain beauty in the naive months of your first pregnancy, when the “idea” of a baby is often so far from the reality!

Once upon a time I studied archaeology; and it strikes me that my life can now be split into BF [Before Freddie] and AF [After Freddie] eras. People tell you that Motherhood will change you beyond imagination, yet you don’t really appreciate this until you’ve pushed one out and lived it. Cliched, again. I used to take sleep forgranted, and now 4hours in a row is a luxury; I spend my money on nappies and baby clothes; applying nail varnish once Freddie’s asleep is now considered a little treat. It’s amazing how the surge of maternal love brings with it the selflessness, the overwhelming desire to put everything into your little bundle of baby. I love it, and I love him, more than I ever thought possible. He is by far my best achievement, and I still look at him in absolute awe that he grew in my tummy. He’s sleeping beside me now, so cosy and content. My little boy. Always my little boy.

Freddie has a[nother] chest infection this week, which does worry me. This is his third in 6 and a half months. He is such a little trooper and has been taking his antibiotics so well. He has needed lots of momma cuddles, and is hopefully on the mend. Because of this we haven’t had such a busy week as usual. Today we walked to the park and Freddie played on the swings, then on to town where I needed to pick up a few things. Sometimes as I’m walking along, pushing the pram, talking to my boy – in the everyday, in the mundane, I still pinch myself … I’m a Mummy.

Of course, there are also the moments when you’re so tired you’re not sure what you’re name is; when you long for a soak in the bath or some adult company, BUT I wouldn’t swap my life for anything in the world. I’m so proud of this little boy, of his cheeky personality and cheerful disposition. I love the life we’ve created …

I’ll be returning to work at the beginning of December, 16 hours a week; 4 hours over 4 days. In many ways I dread it, but in others – it will be good for both me and Freddie; and 4 hours is do-able. I’ll miss him so much at first, because the longest I’ve been parted from him is an hour and a half. We’re so bonded, me and this beautiful boy … but the loveliness of maternity leave can’t last forever, and momma need to earn some pennies so we can have nice holidays and days out ….

But for now, as usual at the end of a Blog … this momma is going to join her little prince fast asleep …

We are the fortunate ones

I keep thinking that I ought to blog about the Syria/refugee crisis, because it’s important, and I don’t want you to think I only care about Freddie’s first time in a swing etc. It’s also important for him to see, if he reads these posts in years to come – that – to quote Band Aid, there’s a world outside your window. I admit that I’ve been a bit slack watching the news recently. 6 o’clock is no longer a quiet, watch the BBC whilst tucking into dinner and sipping a glass of Pinot, type of thing. It’s now cleaning up a messy replenished Freddie whilst watching CBeebies and getting ready for bath time. Chaotic. One morning we did catch the news before I switched over to the Clangers. Freddie was sat on my lap glued to the TV screen and the scenes from Budapest train station. I talk to Freddie all the time, as I believe babies understand more than we think they do …. I found myself telling him that all these people have had to run away from their homes and leave all their toys behind because there are some naughty people making it impossible to stay; how we have to be kind to them and help them find somewhere to live.

Simplistic perhaps – and I realise logistics are problematic, but that photo of a tiny, innocent, helpless little boy washed up on a Turkish beach was enough to convince me that it is a moral duty to do something, and a crime to turn ones back. I would always have found that photo abhorrent, but as a mother I found it heartbreaking. I held Freddie a little closer before bedtime that night; my little boy – just as that mother would’ve cradled her little boy, as all mothers do; wanting to keep them safe. One cannot imagine the agony of upping sticks and leaving all they know behind. We cannot fully grasp all that entails because we are the fortunate ones. My little Freddie is sleeping soundly beside me, warm, clean, with a full tummy; as all babies should.

I don’t have any answers about where to house the refugees or what we do about Syria …. but I think our leaders should do something, and should treat these people with humanity. I know how rough I feel when I haven’t had a good night’s sleep [hello baby!] – add to that the emotional trauma of leaving your homeland and being alone, in a foreign, cold country – with nothing. Just imagine that. Imagine the fear; the bravery; the desperation …

Le Petit Prince

Momma and her little Prince

Momma and her little Prince

When I was little, I spent a lot of time drawing my wedding dress. Now I’m 33 and a quarter with my beautiful baby [and no man] – it is debatable whether I’ll ever get to wear it. I think if I do find my Mr Big one day [not in a rush, my main man is Fredders], a beach wedding with close friends would be on the cards. My cousin’s wedding on Monday was beautifully planned, and the whole day was a reflection of their love. Sarah looked stunning in her dress, and the Cotswold setting was gorgeous, even in the Bank Holiday rain. My little Prince Freddie was a star, and chuckled/blew raspberries throughout the ceremony. My dress was from Seraphine, which is a company specialising in maternity/nursing wear. It was great having easy access to the boobs at all times! I also survived the day without being covered in baby sick. Result!

Momma's Prince Freddie

Momma’s Prince Freddie

The happy couple are now relaxing in Spain, and I’m sitting in bed eating some [more] chocolate wedding cake. Breastfeeding is my excuse – ravenous – always.

Today Freddie is 26 weeks old, and on Saturday 5th he will be exactly 6 months – half a year. Wow. This time 26 weeks ago I was on the Post Natal ward staring in disbelief into the crib beside me. I will never forget that feeling of utter awe and amazement. Actually, I look beside me now at a sleeping Freddie, and I’m still in awe! He’s teething at the moment and constantly  chewing/dribbling/gnawing. Every morning I check his little gums for any signs of a gnasher, but I suppose they have a long way to travel until they emerge. It seems so cruel!

Yesterday we had a lovely time swimming with Freddie’s baby friends Arthur and Ivy. Swimming tired Fredders out, and I think he’s still playing catch up from the night away … as he dropped off to sleep before the end of “In the night garden” tonight …

Oh … taking of CBeebies … is anyone else freaked out by Mr Tumble? He’s just a bit … wrong ….