Don’t grow up too fast baby boy …

It's definitely autumnal out there ...

It’s definitely autumnal out there …

This week I was lucky enough to be invited to meet the gorgeous baby Hugo, at just 6 days old. Now, baby Hugo weighed in at 10Ib 7oz, so I was expecting a whopper … and instead was amazed how tiny he was compared to my 8 month old Fred! Freddie was a whole 3Ib lighter than Hugo at birth; and yet I never thought Freddie was tiny [he certainly didn’t feel it as he emerged] As I scrolled back through the hundreds of photos on my iphone, I realised that yes, Freddie was indeed quite tiny. I find myself quite emotional; I keep harping on about how fast the time has gone, but it really HAS. On Monday I have my first “Keep in touch” day at work. I say day, but it’s 4 hours .. which is what I will be working 4 days a week from December 7th. I always knew I would be returning to work 16 hours a week, and I think it’s a good amount of time for Freddie to be away from me [poor kid has had a lot of me these past months, can’t be good for his long term sanity]. His Daddy will have him for two of my shifts, my mum for one, and my aunt the other. I will have fridays off, and 4 hours is manageable, right?

I think the crux of my angst is the fact that maternity leave will be over. We have enjoyed our maternity leave so much; we’ve done so much, we’ve experienced so many firsts together. And I feel the end of maternity leave does mark another chapter. I wish that I could bottle these past months, because I’ve loved every moment – watching my Freddie develop, learn new things and explore the new world around him. I love him more than I ever thought it possible; and I will miss our busy weeks going to groups and meet ups. We will still be able to do a lot of things, and I’m sure there will be times when work will be  welcome relief … but my goodness I’m going to miss him. This is when PollyAnna should kick in and consider all the countries in the world where maternity leave doesn’t exist, and all the people who don’t have jobs to go back to …

It is a year tomorrow since I got the keys to my flat. I didn’t move in immediately as there was carpet to lay and decorating to be done. I’ve been looking back through those photos too. I have always felt so at home here, and it is a lovely flat for Freddie to grow up in – with the park nextdoor and a garage to store his trike. Bit by bit I’m getting things done, and I’m so grateful to have a mortgage and a place to call my own. Perhaps in my dreams I used to imagine living in an Elizabethan moated manor house with a stable yard twice the size of my flat … but hey, there’s plenty of time for that.

Fredders is fast asleep beside me. I won’t be far behind, although it’s not yet 8pm, and 9pm is my usual bedtime [nearly as rock n roll as last friday evenings piles appointment at the GP]. I think we have another gnasher cutting, as the past nights have been 2 hourly wake ups. Poor little chap.Tomorrow is the Christmas lights turn on in our local town, so I shall take my little Prince to that, as we embark on a new season .. and will embrace all that has to offer.

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