Just another cliche

Momma's big boy

Momma’s big boy

Whenever I sit to Blog, I am overwhelmed by how fast the time is going. Cliched, perhaps, but this year has been the most incredible, and fastest – yet. This Blog is now over a year old, and yet it seems ten minutes ago since I was sitting in my houseshare, nursing a small Freddie bump; wondering how things would work out [note to younger self; things worked out just better than fine]. Timehop frequently reminds me of that growing bump this time last year. And now .. well, look! So grown up that he can sit in his own seat in the supermarket trolley! Proud Momma moment! There is a certain beauty in the naive months of your first pregnancy, when the “idea” of a baby is often so far from the reality!

Once upon a time I studied archaeology; and it strikes me that my life can now be split into BF [Before Freddie] and AF [After Freddie] eras. People tell you that Motherhood will change you beyond imagination, yet you don’t really appreciate this until you’ve pushed one out and lived it. Cliched, again. I used to take sleep forgranted, and now 4hours in a row is a luxury; I spend my money on nappies and baby clothes; applying nail varnish once Freddie’s asleep is now considered a little treat. It’s amazing how the surge of maternal love brings with it the selflessness, the overwhelming desire to put everything into your little bundle of baby. I love it, and I love him, more than I ever thought possible. He is by far my best achievement, and I still look at him in absolute awe that he grew in my tummy. He’s sleeping beside me now, so cosy and content. My little boy. Always my little boy.

Freddie has a[nother] chest infection this week, which does worry me. This is his third in 6 and a half months. He is such a little trooper and has been taking his antibiotics so well. He has needed lots of momma cuddles, and is hopefully on the mend. Because of this we haven’t had such a busy week as usual. Today we walked to the park and Freddie played on the swings, then on to town where I needed to pick up a few things. Sometimes as I’m walking along, pushing the pram, talking to my boy – in the everyday, in the mundane, I still pinch myself … I’m a Mummy.

Of course, there are also the moments when you’re so tired you’re not sure what you’re name is; when you long for a soak in the bath or some adult company, BUT I wouldn’t swap my life for anything in the world. I’m so proud of this little boy, of his cheeky personality and cheerful disposition. I love the life we’ve created …

I’ll be returning to work at the beginning of December, 16 hours a week; 4 hours over 4 days. In many ways I dread it, but in others – it will be good for both me and Freddie; and 4 hours is do-able. I’ll miss him so much at first, because the longest I’ve been parted from him is an hour and a half. We’re so bonded, me and this beautiful boy … but the loveliness of maternity leave can’t last forever, and momma need to earn some pennies so we can have nice holidays and days out ….

But for now, as usual at the end of a Blog … this momma is going to join her little prince fast asleep …

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Momma said there’d be days like this …

Momma's little boy

Momma’s little boy

It has been nearly two months since I blogged; two months of nappies, leaky boobs, baby sick, and love. Woah, has he grown! Tempus fugit. These precious days of new things and challenges, are so wondrous; so poignant. I’m sitting in bed beside a snuffly little Freddie; his first cold has developed into a chest infection; and as I sat in the doctors waiting room this afternoon I found the tears welling in my eyes as my little boy coughed. Never before have I loved so much. If only it could be me coughing [actually I DO have a cough, but that’s not the point] Never before have I worried so much, cared so much. Baby boy will be fine, his momma will cuddle him and feed him her milk, she will sing him to sleep with out of tune lullabies and she will feed him the yellow coloured strange smelling antibiotic “juice”. This is the first “illness” of many, and I know that I have to reassure him, that he can’t see my tears and fears. It is life, I tell myself … life is going to happen to him whether I like it or not. I am not immortal, I cannot stop the world from hurting him, from germs infecting him.

Prior to the plague descending, baby boy and momma have got into a great routine of Baby Sensory classes, Baby Swimming [oh, how I LOVE the swimming!], Tiny Tots and brisk walks in the park. We sip coffee with other mummies, and we ponder the “Wonder Weeks” and the transition from 0-3 to 3-6month clothes. This Thursday it will be TWELVE weeks since Fredders burst out of my vagina and into the world. Twelve wonderful weeks. Twelve weeks when I’ve worried more, slept less, and LOVED more than ever before. I remain amazed that it is possible to function on such little sleep. I’m equally amazed that evolution has not given women more than two hands.

Now I must curl up beside my little boy and attempt some sleep … I will try to blog more often, as there are often anecdotes I would like to share.

Mastitis, Baby sick and lots and lots of breastmilk

My Hungry Little Caterpillar

My Hungry Little Caterpillar

Having the time to blog is now something of a luxury. I’m sitting in bed with my baby beside me, all plump and satiated; having drained the milk of both boobies [and puked the excess down my cleavage and new nursing bra!] THREE WEEKS; how is my baby boy THREE weeks old. Time has taken on a whole new concept in the past weeks; as have day and night … life is simply and wonderfully revolved totally around Little Lord Freddie.

The week hasn’t been without its challenges; last Saturday I found myself at the out of hours GP with mastitis after a sleepless and painful night. Ouch. Serious ouch. It’s also quite hard taking a 2 week old baby to the out of hours unit alone …. whilst they give you a specific appointment, such as 10.47am [really? 10.47?], you still have to wait 2hours to be seen, during which you need to feed baby several times through agonising pain … and realise you need to change a pooey bottom but don’t want to lose your place in the queue. Fred and I were both most relieved when the prescription was printed and we could go home chomping on the antibbiotics. I very nearly joined him in the wailing. Aside from a sniffly nose, I’m feeling much better and the boobies aren’t sore anymore [thank goodness!] Incidentally I did find it funny that the doctor asked if there was any chance I could be preggers … erm, NO.

Breastfeeding is amazing … despite the mastitis … I find it the most nurturing thing you can do for your baby. I feel like the 9months he was in my tummy, I sustained him through my food and the placenta … and now he’s here, I can carry on nurturing him. The unbilical cord may have been cut, but Momma’s milk can feed him. And feed him well, as he weighed in at 9Ib this week! I can definitely tell he’s put on weight …. getting heavier to carry up the stairs in his car seat!

As for the lady bits, I actually braved taking a mirror to the brutalised bits, and [continued several hours later; baby and momma now fed and changed and ready to face the day!] – anyway, ladybits – not as mashed as I thought. Looking quite normal. The human body really IS amazing.

Still, in the small hours when I look at Freddie beside me; I wonder how on earth I created anything so perfect … and ow wonderful the world is with him in it. He’s mine, he’s really my baby boy …..