Did my bubbles fly to heaven Mummy?

freddie3nursery

And all of a sudden, as if by magic, my squishy little newborn is off to “Big Room” at nursery, wearing his new summer uniform. How is he 3? And how have I let 7 months pass without blogging? Perhaps the blogging gap was subconsciously intentional … but here we are, emerging the other side …

A conversation with Fred over supper the other evening:

F: Mummy, did my bubbles fly to heaven?

V: I’m not sure Freddie, I don’t know where heaven is

F: Do you think they flew to Grandad mummy? [pauses]

F: How did Grandad get to heaven mummy? Could we go there on an aeroplane?

It is 15 months since my dear Dad died, and a week doesn’t go by without Freddie mentioning “Grandad” or looking at his memory book. I’ve strived to be honest with Fred about everything – even if that means acknowledging that I don’t always have the answers. Mummy doesn’t know where heaven is, but Grandad is in our hearts, and Grandad would be very proud of the cheeky, intelligent, stubborn, and kind little boy he’s growing into. I can imagine my Dad kicking a football with him, reading him bedtime stories, and being as good a Grandad as he was a Dad. Quite simply the best, and so very missed. Sometimes I still can’t truly comprehend that he’s gone. It’s like the awful events of that bright January day remain so harrowingly surreal …

3 year old Freddie is currently transitioning from a Fireman Sam obsession [sometimes I feel like I’m living in PontyBloodyPandy] to Paw Patrol. Both of which are a considerable improvement on PeppaFuckingPig [sausages, Freddie, sausages …]

When I started this Blog there was so much I didn’t know. When I look back on that sunny June evening when I peed on the pregnancy test, I smile at the shocked naivety as my heart leapt at the forthcoming adventure. Nearly 4 years on, I am so pleased I embarked on this journey … and cannot imagine a world without my Fred in it. I still can’t believe he’s mine [even when he looks me in the eye and says “you’re annoying me mummy,stop it!”]

engagement2018 is our year … the year I got engaged to my gorgeous Pam; the year I begin a teacher training course which will bring huge possibilities and challenges and benefits to us all … the year when I’ve had to take a deep breath, realise what [and who] is important and grab life by the metaphorical horns.

And I’m working on my list of 40 things to do before I’m 40. I’ve got 4 years and 368 days to achieve them, so watch this space.

Carpe Diem

 

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Two year old you

Dear Fred,

17156074_2103858033173957_1695764839204359995_nToday is your second birthday, and whilst you’re spending some time with Daddy, I wanted to write a Blog about 2 year old you.

It was wonderful watching you and your friends enjoy your birthday party yesterday; clambering around on the soft play, eating “choo choo cake”, singing songs and generally having lots of fun. The only thing missing was your Grandad, who helped Momma plan the party – and was looking forward to it very much. In the car on the way to the party as I told you all the people who would be there, you repeatedly asked for “Gandad,” and Momma had to explain once again that she too would love to see him, how it was very sad, but how I was sure if he could, he would be there in spirit. I’m writing this because whenever you’re reading this Blog, Freddie; you will probably have forgotten the wonderful memories and times you shared with your Grandad. But yesterday you asked for him, and I know he would’ve loved your party and been so proud of you. Yesterday was the first big event  without Grandad around, and Momma did need a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day.

So, two year old Freddie….

LOVES…. Thomas the Tank Engine, Postman Pat DVDs [you’re already quite au fait with changing the DVDs yourself in the player], chocolate buttons, Weetabix for breakfast, collecting the eggs from the chickens, playing on momma’s phone, driving your mini car – especially reversing when you’re supposed to go forwards!; Percy cat – who you call Lala, singing “twinkle twinkle chocolate bar”, Tots Rock on fridays, morning and bedtime “boobie”, reading books on Momma’s lap, going down the big slide at the park, bathtime bubbles … Your favourite meal of the week is chicken curry; the hotter the better…

DISLIKES …cleaning your teeth, eating the eggs you like to collect, sitting in the buggy …

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You are such a fun, cheeky little chap – forever making me laugh.It is incredible that you’re 2 already. I look back on the day you were born with such wonder and amazement, and always will. You rocked my world, little boy. Momma was pretty naive going into a pregnancy on her own, unsure what everything entailed. These have been the best two years of my life, and even in the present sadness, you keep me going and remind me of what’s important.

So bring on more adventures, little boy. You are so loved.

Momma xx