And all of a sudden, as if by magic, my squishy little newborn is off to “Big Room” at nursery, wearing his new summer uniform. How is he 3? And how have I let 7 months pass without blogging? Perhaps the blogging gap was subconsciously intentional … but here we are, emerging the other side …
A conversation with Fred over supper the other evening:
F: Mummy, did my bubbles fly to heaven?
V: I’m not sure Freddie, I don’t know where heaven is
F: Do you think they flew to Grandad mummy? [pauses]
F: How did Grandad get to heaven mummy? Could we go there on an aeroplane?
It is 15 months since my dear Dad died, and a week doesn’t go by without Freddie mentioning “Grandad” or looking at his memory book. I’ve strived to be honest with Fred about everything – even if that means acknowledging that I don’t always have the answers. Mummy doesn’t know where heaven is, but Grandad is in our hearts, and Grandad would be very proud of the cheeky, intelligent, stubborn, and kind little boy he’s growing into. I can imagine my Dad kicking a football with him, reading him bedtime stories, and being as good a Grandad as he was a Dad. Quite simply the best, and so very missed. Sometimes I still can’t truly comprehend that he’s gone. It’s like the awful events of that bright January day remain so harrowingly surreal …
3 year old Freddie is currently transitioning from a Fireman Sam obsession [sometimes I feel like I’m living in PontyBloodyPandy] to Paw Patrol. Both of which are a considerable improvement on PeppaFuckingPig [sausages, Freddie, sausages …]
When I started this Blog there was so much I didn’t know. When I look back on that sunny June evening when I peed on the pregnancy test, I smile at the shocked naivety as my heart leapt at the forthcoming adventure. Nearly 4 years on, I am so pleased I embarked on this journey … and cannot imagine a world without my Fred in it. I still can’t believe he’s mine [even when he looks me in the eye and says “you’re annoying me mummy,stop it!”]
2018 is our year … the year I got engaged to my gorgeous Pam; the year I begin a teacher training course which will bring huge possibilities and challenges and benefits to us all … the year when I’ve had to take a deep breath, realise what [and who] is important and grab life by the metaphorical horns.
And I’m working on my list of 40 things to do before I’m 40. I’ve got 4 years and 368 days to achieve them, so watch this space.